I do not like being a pastor’s kid. I do not like to hear about the politics of the church and of the shortcomings, lies, and betrayal of Christ-like people. I do not like to see the faults of the institution whose whole purpose is to share and live out the Gospel. And yet, I still defend the church and its people and hope for change, not failure.
I do not like the fact that when my dad has to leave a church, my family must also leave. The whole family pays the price and everyone’s weekly friendships, contacts, and rituals must change. I do not like to see my dad disrespected by others in the church. He is in no way a perfect pastor, but he is one that deserves respect. His ministry and service deserves respect. My family and the church people, through words of love, deserves to know face-to-face the exact reasons of the choices being made by the leaders who we trust were placed at the top by the Lord.
I do not like it when Christ leaders and people who claim to follow Him are not held accountable for their words and actions. I do not like it when select members of the church are shut down when speaking up or when the majority (including myself) are too apathetic to say anything or notice. I am ashamed that I have lived most of my life as just a mediocre Christian, not worrying about other people because their lives aren’t directly related to mine. I am tired of this passive lifestyle.
I do not like it when people at church give lip service, leaders and regular attenders alike. Leaders always present a pretty picture of how much better things are going to get and how much we are going to grow, yet aren’t willing to hold each other accountable, be disciplined, shepherd each other along the way, or work hard when times get tough. People always ask each other how they are doing yet don’t want to hear the truth or question that anything could be wrong. I too have been guilty of just assuming everyone around me, Christian or not, is fine only to discover that it is not okay and that giving generic words of “encouragement” and moving on with no follow up is just lip service.
I do not like the fact that reasons like this is why many people (especially pastor’s kids) choose to turn away from God because the institution of the modern day church has taught them that they cannot trust anyone. I do not like that once again I find myself lacking trust, when I already have been born into this world with very little trust of others. This is the second time in my life where I am deeply frustrated and disturbed by the things I’ve witnessed and heard as a pastor’s kid. I will NOT go through this again.
I like the fact that I was brought up with strong morals of right and wrong, truth and lies. I am lucky to not have parents who force their beliefs on me; it has always been my choice. I choose to continue to follow Christ wherever He may lead me and try to hold on to whatever little faith and hope I have.
I guess I have a lot to think about on my 15 hour flight to Hong Kong and 5 hour flight to Japan.
Written at 1 AM